*hysterical (too late..)

"it's not just about looking at each other's eyes, but looking at the same direction. its not that your views are wrong, they were just not right for me..." -- Solace 23 August, 2006--9:38:32 PM

im hysterically facing my computer agen, staring at the blinking cursor... i missed blogging so much.. (and i wnt 2 say sori 2 my POOR blog, im not updating so much, ur now as melancholic as i) T_T i hate dis dilemma dat began last wk, few days before my oh-so-bad bday.. and it really landed on my bday..awchie. and i cud hate HIM for turnin my spexal day into a awful one.. ..

i kinda hate my bday coz: a. im gettin old..whew..1 decade and 6 yrs of existnce hir on earth! b. lagi ako minamalas c. im tired hearing "palibre!" d. im alwys sick e. im always busy f. im always tired g. i hav 2 review for our periodc tests! (-_-)

..i knda love my bday coz:

a. i got another yr of existence

b. i learned a lot from my fruitful yrs

c. a lot of bonding is needed! so much 4 dat blah blah..chu chu..

nowadays, im livin behind d secrets.. gusto ko magalit sau. kaso ayoq mgalit sau. ndi q kya mgalit sau. at nding ndi q mggwang mggalit sau..--ironically speaking,i wanted 2 do dis soo bad! kaso bakit d ko parn tlga mgawa! its my spexal day den, he must GREET me, kht pampagaan lng ng loob pra d nko maasar sau!

i tried to move on but someting alwys juz went wrong. i cnt live a lie i cnt juz get by. but i cnt say i ddnt try, ITS NVER EASY LETTING GO. i tried to move on but someting alwys juz went wrong-- i wnt 2 delete evryting bout him. soo stupid. ok ok..delete delete delete..peo ayw prn! ang epal m naman, pdaan-daan k ulit sa icp ko! im mad, but i cnt help but stare. evn if im tryin 2 accept dat im WRONG, it feels TRUE dat im into you.. kahit mali.. its gud to hear dos words from you, i lyk to believe na 22o un, kaso ayoko paring mniwala ksi bka msaktan ako.. i cnt live a lie i cnt juz get by. -- tama bng ako p mkaalam ng ckreto nyu?? auz lng. sbgay natiis kta nun, bkt nga b d q p ulit mgawa ngaun. if ur falling into her, GO. and my comment? "im hapi for HER. not to you, . la ako ggwin. and so, db? pra anu p?" i want to tell u, JUST GO. and u knw wat?? im so hurt by d tym u asked me, "bkt ayw mko ipglaban? la ka bng ggwin? la kbng reakxon pag nging kami? pbbyaan mu nlng b? un nlng b?" okay, im sori if i just answered u, ", wala akong laban. period. la nkong ggwin. period. eh kng kau, EH DI GO." ..but deep inside im hysterically dying. super drowned in emotions. my tears were dried inside of me. not able to pour it out. but burst of sadness came out. T_T *is it ok 2 cry over here?*.. and kept questioning me WAT IF DEY BOTH FOL to EACH OTHER?? bogg! argh! eh di fall lng kau. ansakit ng tanong nyu ha! bkit sakn pa kau ngtnong?? arghh! i bog i tog!! tch. awch. T_T

*sob.

*sigh.

*thinks.

but i cnt say i ddnt try, ITS NVER EASY LETTING GO.-- basta GO. If ur hapi, GO. puro nlng GO. Pero anjan kpa rin. T_T cnbi ko n ngang GO eh! :'( .. Bkit kpa ba anjan, sbing GO eh! =( d more often i avoid u, d more often i wnt 2 feel the tears in my eyes. bkit kpa kc nanjan! if only u can hear d side if mine, kso u dnt wnt me to speak, if i try to, sabi mo DRAMA pko.. porket iyakin lang ako. i only know one thing, im pushing u away from me.. if it hurts u, it hurts me MORE.*sigh. *thinks. "masarap mgmhal ng dlawa. dlawa mhl m. ndi k mssaktan. kaso pg dmating ang oras pra mamili ng isa, kelangan m tlga mamili ng ISA LNG. kaso pg mnsan, kht mamili k ng isa, PAREHO PARN CLANG NWAWALA SAU. =("-- anonymous everyday i soaked myself wid risons to 4get u, evryday i lie. evryday i find strength 2 get me through and yet, EVERYDAY I DIE. its hard 2 gues a person's feelings 2wards u. ul nver knw if she's/he's into u coz she's/he's swit. but d harder part is, may iba xang mhal, pero sweet xa sau. im special to him, but now i know wats d BIG DIFFERENCE between a person hu's spexal and d person u luv.

*sighs

my frend aksd me, "mhl m pb?"..

*silence* "bkt d m ipglban?"...

*silence*

i said, "sabi ko sa knya, GO. msya na xa eh, ksma n nya. andun na xa. msaya ako cnunod nya ang cnb kong GO.:'( "

*sobs ang sighs.